Interviews with Olim

Q. Where were you born and where did you grow up?

A. I was born in Atlantic City, NJ. My family is still there, but eventually, I made my way to Riverdale, NY with a few stops along the way.

Q. At what age did you come out? And how did it go?

A. Although I have known that I was gay since I was about 8 years old, I first came out last year at 45 years old. There was something about aliyah, the trauma, the possibility of a blank slate, the loss of the anchors that kept me grounded back in the US, that somehow forced the issue for me. I didn’t anticipate coming out, but with the help of a wonderful therapist, I eventually came out to my wife of 20 years in January 2021. We told our 4 sons and then “our world” the following May. While it was not without its incredible challenges and pain, I am grateful that, in many way, we are now a stronger and healthier family as a result.

Q. Were you involved at all in the LGBT community back home?

A. As an educator and Head of School, I have had many students come out to me or look to me to help shape a safe and inclusive environment for all students. While I had always anticipated staying in the closet, I believed that by creating these safe, nurturing, and healthy spaces for kids, I was doing my part to help the LGBT community as best I could.

Q. What is your involvement (if any) in the LGBT community in Israel?

A. Since I’ve come out relatively recently and only made aliyah in 2017, I don’t really have the Israel LGBT landscape all worked out. Being a part of the Anglo LGBT group has been a great start for me. There is also an Israeli support group for gay fathers who have had children with women that I am a part of. Although I am the only American in the group, I feel some kinship there as well.

Q. How long since you made Aliyah?

A. August 2017

Q. Did you move here on your own or with family/friends/significant other?

A. I moved here with my wife and 4 sons who were, at the time, ages 13, 13, 10, and 5.

Q. Why did you make Aliyah?

A. I have been involved in Bnei Akiva since my late teens, so aliyah was always on the radar. Ultimately, I was recruited by an Amutah to be the founding head of school for a new, bilingual (Hebrew/English), independent school. It would be the first of its kind in Israel. The opportunity to open up such a school was too good to overlook.

Q. How is it going so far?

A. Personally, there are harder days that come when your life is turned upside down and there are good days that come with knowing that I am on track to living the best version of my life. My kids are amazing, and that has made things a whole lot easier. Professionally, I have made a few changes since making aliyah and coming out of the closet. I am really just at the beginning stages of this new life. As of this summer, I am launching a new educational coaching and consulting firm. My focus is specifically on shaping school cultures that inspire within its administrators, teachers, and students a willingness to be vulnerable, to take risks, and to live lives of courageous authenticity and empathy.

Q. What do you do in terms of work?

A. Head of School and Educational Coach and Consultant

Q. How is your Ivrit?

A. Very solid, not perfect, but because I ran an Israeli school, I had to use it and get comfortable with it quickly.

Q. What has been your biggest challenge so far?

A. Gay or straight, Aliyah in its own right is extremely challenging and took, for me at least, 5 years to even begin to feel settled. Of course, given the complexity of my story and the fact that I came out in my mid-40s after having lived a straight, Modern Orthodox life in a high profile community job, the last few years have been especially arduous.

Q. How do you perceive the Israeli LGBT community?

A. People have been very kind and interested in my story. I haven’t yet made many friends in the LGBT community. That’s largely because of my process and the fact that I don’t live in a heavily LGBT populated community. I would like to continue meeting great people, and I imagine that as the dust settles, I will.

Q. How is being LGBT in Israel different to back home?

A. When I decided to come out, I made a deliberate choice to stay in Israel, as opposed to going back to the US. In my mind, it felt like I could come out here more healthily than there. But that’s just my instinct.

Q. If you were making aliyah now, would you do anything differently?

A. That’s a great question. On the one hand, aliyah came with a lot of challenges for me, both personally and professionally. And in that way, I miss NY a lot. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure that if I didn’t make aliyah, I wouldn’t have come out and I would still be living an inauthentic life. Is one better than the other? Who knows; time will tell, I guess. What I would say about aliyah is that it’s super hard, but that I also really believe that human beings can “do hard,” and if we face the challenges, we grow and evolve as a result. Also, I probably would have packed more Bounty paper towels and Zip-locs.