Interviews with Olim

Q. Where were you born and where did you grow up?

A. I was born in Mount Sinai Hospital in Toronto, Canada in 1958. However, I grew up in the city of North York which eventually amalgamated with other smaller cities to become the city of Toronto in 1998. So technically I lived all my life in North York.

Q. At what age did you come out? And how did it go?

A. I always knew I was “different” but couldn’t put a label or name on it until I was at York University studying Sociology. Alas, one of the sub lessons was on “Deviance in Society”, and homosexuality was one of the topics related to deviance. This was in 1980/81. They professor had a group of homosexuals speak to the class and I took one look at them and thought, “Hell no, that is not how I dress or look!” So it kinda pushed me back into the closet.
So I did not come out to my family until I was 30 years old. My mother locked herself in her room for weeks and my father said, “I knew all along and I don’t care, as I love you as you are and I know you love me.” A few high school friends knew once we were in university.

Q. Were you involved at all in the LGBT community back home?

A. I was not involved per se in the gay community as I thought of them as too diverse, too divisive, and too different. I did not see “me” among them. However, somehow, I became involved with a Jewish group who started off being known as “Chutzpah”, but eventually became known as “Keshet Shalom”. A good group of men and women who usually celebrated Oneg Shabbat every Friday night, but never really doing anything social.
As many of us among the group were highly secular, non-kosher, non-believers, it fell apart within a year or so. The only daring thing we ever did was march on Pride Day under the Keshet Shalom and Israeli flags. Alas, that goes back to the previous question, as someone from my old neighbourhood saw me. Her mother called my mother and asked if I was gay. My mother came to my room and asked me if I was gay and when I answered, “But I know you love me the same.” That is when she took to her bed.

Q. What is your involvement (if any) in the LGBT community in Israel?

A. My partner of over 24 years, who is Israeli, and I have absolutely no involvement in the gay community here in Israel. On the one hand, living in Rehovot and not having a car hampers our ability to travel. On the other hand Fridays are often devoted to shopping, cooking, and cleaning. Sometimes we have Friday night dinner at home, or we go to my in-laws or other homes for Friday night dinner. I will answer more question 9 regarding work as it is related.

Q. How long since you made Aliyah?

A. I made aliyah in November 1996 and was here until March 1998 when I had to return to Toronto as my father had had surgery and I knew my siblings would not know what to do or how to manage. I met my partner Shai, 6 months after moving here. Shai came to Toronto with me, no English, where we lived for 7.5 years and we returned a year and a half after my father’s passing in November 2005.

Q. Did you move here on your own or with family/friends/significant other?

A. On my own.

Q. Why did you make Aliyah?

A. I made Aliyah both for reasons explained and very inexplicable. Part of me wanted to run away from family, and part of me said I have had enough of winter, snow, ice, freezing temperatures etc. The truth is I am not sure what drew me here. I was here for three months back in 1979, when I came with the Jewish Student Union from university. I thought the country was interesting, but by the time I got to Tel Aviv, the last stop, I thought who in their right mind would live in this seemingly 3rd world, hot as hell, humid as a steam room, country?! I was always aware that I was born Jewish and had experienced my share of anti-Semitism from public school onwards, but still never thought I would come here. It took the bus bombings, and the Sbarro bombing to wake me up and think. Ok you Arabs can kill the Jews but more will come to take their place. And that is when I decided to come here. When I told my family they were so encouraging, only because they had no knowledge of this country at all.

Q. How is it going so far?

A. I knew Israel was my home the minute I got off the plane by myself in November 1996. Fortunately having a Sabra (native Israeli) as a partner, it has gone relatively well as my translator and phonecall maker when needed.

Q. What do you do in terms of work?

A. I was a chef and nutritionist back in Toronto and worked at the Baycrest Centre for Geriatric Care for many years. I had no Hebrew but the 4 or 5 words I remembered from Hebrew School. My first jobs were working as a lowly cook in restaurants for 3 months when I went to my last manager and said I thought slavery was illegal so I quit. Shai was not very happy with me as he liked Toronto and wanted to stay there but I dragged him back here. He said to me, “You speak English, so go teach English.” So since February 2006, I have been teaching English to adults, currently for an amazing company. So that is also the reason we do not meet with the Tel Aviv community as I have been working for years morning and night. I teach 9:00-1:30pm and 4:30-9:00pm Sunday to Thursday.

Q. How is your Ivrit?

A. My Hebrew is very good when it comes to understanding, and I have all the confidence to speak with all my mistakes. My grammar is all over the place but I manage well. I tell my students it is all about confidence. If Israelis understand you and you get what you ask for… bonus. I never went to an ulpan as the government is קַמצָן (tight) and doesn’t offer enough to help you in the first year or two. Now if Shai would only speak to me in Hebrew rather than the English, but he is afraid to forget!

Q. What has been your biggest challenge so far?

A. No real challenges as if one smiles and is polite and friendly you do get the service you need. If not, get an Israeli who shout-talks. That works too.

Q. How do you perceive the Israeli LGBT community?

A. I perceive the community as diverse, dynamic, exciting, and yet the same as many countries all over the world, fighting for their rights. Let’s just get religion out of the equation! I am in awe of Pride Day in that I first lived near Park Hayarkon in 1996/97 and I saw a stage with 8 drag queens and asked what was going on and they said it was Pride Day and maybe there were 100 people or so. We have come a long way, baby!

Q. How is being LGBT in Israel different to back home?

A. The only difference I perceive here is that the LGBTQ+ community is made up of all sides politically, economically, and religiously, but all Jews. Back home, you have as many self-interest groups and the shouting between them is embarrassing and too motivated by their own needs and not the needs of the community. I disliked the infighting but cherished that all cultures, communities, and individuals welcomed no matter who you are.

Q. If you were making aliyah now, would you do anything differently?

A. The one thing I would insist that EVERY aliyah centre does before giving the go ahead to move here, is to offer a Hebrew course such as an ulpan, and you do not come here until you pass a language test. I know too may who struggle and seek out only English-speakers in all fields, be it banks, doctors, or any service they require. Integration makes any society thrive and flourish and you can speak English or any other language, but we all chose to be here. However, that is my devious plan in life: to teach English to all the adults so I do not have to learn fluent Hebrew and all become English-speakers!